Fear of truly living
I have a fear of travelling, it has never been something that has been high on my list. It's not that I don't want to see the world or to experience new things or ways of thinking to see how the rest of the world lives. I think about travelling often I would love to see the great Redwood forests out west, the battlefields of the wars of history in Europe, See the great landscapes of the natural world. Tour great cities and be immersed in cultures of all kinds. I am a history buff on paper and would love to make that real. I crave to gain inspiration from those around me to gain insight into have others see the world and live. I am passionate about new ideas and ways of thinking.Maybe it is to do with being selfish, maybe I think that the way we live in Canada or this part of the world is the best way to live and I don't feel a need to see how others live. Which is a pretty bad argument for not travelling if that was the case. How would I have any idea if how we live here is the best way if I haven't seen the rest of the world's ways of living? And at that maybe we have the best lakes or the best highways or great cities but its never possible to have the best of everything, everyone has something to teach me and has something to offer. The other thing I have realized is I often feel I don't need vacations or time off to feel fulfilled I have a sense of the world and how I want to impact it and the people around me each day no matter where I am and I try my best (with lots of failures) to live that each day. Maybe I feel guilty for travelling or taking a vacation or time off. Maybe I feel I want to give and be inspired when I travel and I feel a lot of time that for me travel is taking? Taking a vacation, taking a trip, relaxing and doing nothing, enjoying the vacation I have earned. However, it may be a lot to do with the fact that I am terrified of flying on a plane (I have done it several times before and had no bad experiences) particularly if a plane is over water and maybe slightly scared of dying. If a plane ran into the side of a mountain I wouldn't care, it's that falling for a few minutes that I fear the most. So I have come to see it's not the lack of desire to travel or see the world its the fear of getting there or back that really holds me back. And that too is selfish, because I have nothing to lose nothing in life is guaranteed to me other than this moment. If I am so worried of what might happen to me on the way (something that hasn't happened) how will I ever take a leap to be inspired to take risks and to learn and experience and impact the world around me. So I see now that I haven't had a fear of travelling at all but a fear of living fully. When I die I can tell you now I won't count the days I said at home and lived to see another day. But the moments I took risks to see more to be inspired and to be a better person. I want to try to live each day fearing not really living more than I fear dying.